Totally grabbing my favorite quesion first. :D And pretending this is actually a thing that happened. So, answering this for the hypothetical universe where they became rails, Ψiioniic didn’t get stuck on a ship, and Jegus didn’t kill himself.
1. who is the big spoon/little spoon
Spooning is now a thing moirails do apparently. Big spoon is Ψiioniic and little spoon is Jegus because 1. Ψiioniic is taller, and 2. Jegus has like hella crazy terrible nightmares and so Ψii is all like “II WIILLLL PROTECT YOU FROM THE NIIGHTMARES <>” That’s actually the reason why he watches Jegus sleep. To wake him when he has nightmares.
2. what is their favorite non-sexual activity
I’m interpreting “sexual activity” as “feelings jam” since that’s basically the moirail equivalent of pailing. And I have a feeling they’d do stupid shit like jack a subjugglator’s personal hovercar (or whatever they drive, I don’t know) and take it for a joyride. Ψii would drive and if a subjugglator started chasing them in another hovercar, Jegus would lean out the window and try to engage the subjugglator in a slam battle while they were both still driving.
3. who uses all the hot water in the morning
BATHING IS FOR PRISSY ROYALS AND SMARMY HIGHBLOODS THAT WISH THEY WERE ROYALS. That said, if Jegus wanted to shower in the mornings, then Ψii would shower in the evenings so that they’d never conflict.
4. what they order from take out
Man, what kind of take-out do Alternians HAVE?? I’m just gonna say that anything can be ordered take-out. Jegus is obsessed with seafood and with horrible desserty junk food, and Ψii grew up used to sea food and loves honey (of the normal variety), so they’d like, rob somebody, argue about which one of them does the best sea dweller impression, get Ubasti or someone to judge, get the winner to call in an order at one place for fancy-ass sushi (using the sea dweller impression) and an order at another place for honey cakes, and pig out.
5. what is the most trivial thing they fight over
"JUST ADMIT, SEA DWELLERS ARE FUCKING SEXY AS HELL."
"JJ shut up sea dwellllers are fuckiing hiideous. ii would know, ii was OWNED by one."
"AND ADMIT, Y9UR MASTER WAS FUCKING SEXY AS WELL."
"why do you try 2 hurt me lliike thiis?"
"JUST A FACT. |:B"
6. who does most of the cleaning
Ψiioniic. Who will whine and moan like “WHY DO YOU WANT ME 2 BE A SLLAVE AGAIIN JJ?!?!” and Jegus will be like “N969DY’S ASKING Y9U T9 6E A SLAVE, Y9U CAN JUST LEAVE THAT CRAP 9N THE FL99R, I DIDN’T ASK Y9U T9 CLEAN” and Ψii will go yeah there’s no way thiis place iis gettiing cllean iif ii don’t do iit so he does it anyway AND HE FUCKING ENJOYS IT. Although “cleaning” probably means “shove that crap to the side.”
7. what has a season pass in their DVR
If TV were a thing in their time (which it wasn’t, since movies are brand spanking new), it would be all Jegus’s soaps and romantic sitcoms. The only one Ψii would watch with him is a soap where one of the main ships is a sultry and tumultuous reacharound between a rust blood slave and the blue blood master. Except he’d figure out pretty fast that in soaps, there are always five plots at once which get four minutes each per episode, so he’s learned to get Jegus to yell at him to show up for their four minutes and then leave. And beyond that, they would have Troll Versus Food for Ψii because he watches weird stuff. Don’t question his tastes, he’ll blow your head off.
8. who controls the netflix queue
JEGUS GOTTA HAVE HIS SCREWBALL ROMCOMS. When Ψii’s lucky, he can squeeze in some sort of avant-garde surrealist “comedy” that’s actually extremely unsettling and depressing as hell. But for the most part it’s Jegus’s screwball romcoms. Not just “romcoms,” they’ve gotta be “screwball romcoms.” This would be if Netflix were a thing they have.
9. who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Jegus, who rips them a new one, while Ψii quietly busts the heater apart and tries to figure out what’s not working.
10. who steals the blankets
Jegus steals all the blankets. Ψii gets back by cuddling the fuck out of him. When that fails he flings his arms and legs around Jegus and just clings. Until Jegus goes “FINE G9DDAMMIT Y9U CAN HAVE A FUCKING 6LANKET JUST GET 9FF.”
11. who leaves their stuff around
Ahahaha you think they have possessions. Actually they do have some, but not a lot. Most of it is stolen shit and most of the stolen shit was jointly stolen. They both kind of leave their shit all over the place because they both grew up without a sylladex, and without possessions anyway, and so nobody ever taught them how to organize shit properly, so even though they have sylladeces now they still just dump their junk all over wherever they are.
12. who remembers to buy the milk
Jegus because he’s like “MILK IS F9R HIGH6L99DS WE’RE TAKING 6ACK THIS PREVI9USLY PRIVILEGED 6EVERAGE FR9M THEM” and Ψii is like “yeah iit’s for hiighblloods because iit’s nasty you don’t want that” and Jegus is like “FUCK YEAH I D9 AND 6ESIDES THIS SHIT’S AMAZING” and Ψii is like “ii grew up driinkiing that shiit iit’s not amaziing” and Jegus is like “D9 Y9U HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA H9W PRIVILEGED Y9U WERE GR9WING UP I’M JUST SAYING WHY ARE Y9U WHINING” and Ψii is like “ii was a sllave” and Jegus is like “6UT AT LEAST N969DY TRIED T9 KILL Y9U.”
13. who forgets anniversaries
Jegus would forget all of the anniversaries. Whereas Ψiioniic would remember the day they met, the day Ψii joined Jegus’s rebellion, the day they had their first feelings jam, the day Jegus decided the first feelings jam wasn’t just a single accident he could make go away and they became moirails, and BOTH of their wriggling days because Jegus would forget his own.